2007-02-14
A Valentine from Philip Morris
Happy Valentine's Day, in case you are the sort of person who likes to hear that.
And a Happy Feigned Indifference Day to those of you who are still checking the "single" box on your Facebook profile.
If you've got big plans for tonight, I hope it turns out to be every bit as magical as Walt Disney tricked you into believing it would be. And if not, well, hell, this a great time to take up smoking.
364 days out of the year I'm a non-smoker, but trust me, on Valentine's day there's nothing like a little nicotine to soothe your nerves and take your mind off of the fact that you're probably going to die alone. Plus, all of yours lies about how you don't care about Hallmark holidays and how you think Valentine's Day is capitalist propoganda will be that much more convincing if they're uttered with a cigarette perched cynically in your lonely little hand.
Choose at your own discretion-- cigarettes or Valentine's Day. Both will kill you slowly and deprive you of all dignity.
But only one comes in Menthol lites.
zebrasaur at 1:38 p.m.
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