2007-09-28
five-oh-oh
Welcome to Zebrasaur Entry #500. To celebrate, I decided to bend my no-smoking-while-sober rule and swung by Pipefitter after Poli Sci discussion. Nothing like a fresh Djarum Black in my hand to make me feel world-weary and cynical, so readers, let's talk politics!
As with virtually every time there is a shift of power in government, last fall's incoming Democratic Congressional leadership promised to "reform government" and "clean house." Cynics, the only honest people left in America, are quick to point out that the "house" is pretty much as dirty as its always been. But bitching and moaning aside, the general public continues to elect idiots to office--leaving those of us who would actually like to improve our situation out of luck.
But instead of looking for a solution--there isn't one, I already checked--perhaps we should be looking for governmental reform that would at least bring a little more humor into our slow but inevitable downfall: if we can't make Congress responsible, can we at least make it funny?
In the past, the US government has served as a rich source of humor. Bill Clinton's jogging shorts, Lyndon Johnson's open (stall) door policy, John C. Calhoun's death at an early age, Jim Traficant's hilarious foibles, George Bush's...er, George Bush. And when we haven't had something to point and laugh about, our duly elected overlords have at least often been successful either in war or in business. Our current government is comprised of professional politicians--men and women who have had little to no success in areas requiring skill and intelligence but whose prowess in bullshitting and handshaking has nevertheless enabled them to obtain an extraordinary amount of power. If we're to let them run our live and rampage through our wallets, shouldn't we at least demand that they entertain us while they are doing so?
I suppose there are a number of ways we could go about this. We could have Congressional rule for all legislation to be in limerick form. A mandate for silly hats to be worn at all times while under the rotunda. Or something simple, even, like Naked Fridays. But these would be temporary, stopgap solutions to our government's ongoing Hilarity Gap. And would we really want poetry to become a marketable skill or Norm Coleman's nude form to be seen by young, impressionable children anyone? Not really. Instead, we must look to our strongest ally in the world-- Great Britian.
The United States has a long and proud tradition of stealing things from Great Britain. We've stolen a bunch of their legal system, their sense of superiority and international entitlement, John Lennon, The Office, and even the name of their little sport with all the kicking and whatnot. Surely they won't mind if we take one and use their greatest governmental institution: Prime Minister's Question time.
For those of you unfamiliar with this great institution, PMQ is Great Britain's greatest governmental humor asset. Sure there's always the existence and behavior of the Royal Family to laugh at-- but that's a bit like picking on an inbred family who's fallen on hard times. Ok, it's exactly like picking on an inbred family who's fallen on hard times. But nevertheless, we don't need fake royalty here in the US-- we prefer our kings and queens t be talk show hosts and soap opera stars.
PMQ is a weekly event where the British Prime Minister answers queries put to him by Member of Parliament. Presumably, this to help assure the British people that their leader hears and cares about their elected representatives' concerns. In reality, however, PMQ simply acts as a vehicle for the Prime Minister to make snarky comments and answer "cheeky" questions from the various duly elected alcoholics of Parliament.
How would a similar system work in the United States? Well, it's hard to imagine a President like George W. taking on the the PM's role-- most of the fun of the event relies on the canny ability to quickly form a witty response to a snarky question. But if we pretend, for a moment, that he could quickly responds to questions in an unscripted environment then it could provide for some grand humor.
Suppose (former) Representative Foley had wanted to know, for instance, why the government wasn't helping subsidize the struggling page boy prostitution industry in Washington. Bush could quickly respond that he appreciated the right honorable gentleman's concerns about the male prostitution industry, that prostitutes are indeed an important domestic security consideration, and that he was awaiting a report from the Department of Commerce concerning the domestic prostitution industry's viability in the face of anti-competitive practices by foreign sex rackets. He would also like to thank the right honorable gentleman for giving him the opportunity to point out that when the Democrats were in power, the prostitution industry grew by only 7% while during his administration it has increased by 8.5%.
Or better yet, someone could directly ask the President why he refuses to cut discretionary spending and why he has failed so miserably in Iraq. But that wouldn't be quite as fun.
zebrasaur at 12:23 p.m.
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