2008-01-22

under my fucking mattress

Contrary to the vicious rumors that have been circulating, I am NOT out of spellbinding material and heart-wrenching human interest stories for this blog.

However, my career as your most reliable Wisconsin news correspondent has had to take a reluctant backseat to my other career, in the field of worrying about things I don't understand. To this end, I have been busy keeping my wary eyes on the American economy, protecting my nest egg, communicating with Alan Greenspan via Ouija board, etc.

This morning, the fed slashed the interest rate and my suspicions were confirmed. Although, admittedly, I do not really understand precisely what the implications of "slashing the interest rate" are, I do know that whenever the term 'slash' is employed, good times are unlikely to ensue.

I'm moving all of my assets into a more stable market known as UNDER MY FUCKING MATTRESS, and urge you to do the same before it's too late.

zebrasaur at 2:08 p.m.

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