2006-11-05
I'm not repenting unless you stop being an asshole
Remember how I was telling you about the State Street Crazies? Well today I had the honor of being urged to "reconcile with God."
It's not God that I have a problem with, jackass. God and I are on good terms -- we're in the same bowling league. We hang out every Thursday night. God and I are tight. What I have a problem with is your dogmatic religion and its crazy version of God. Allow me to elaborate.
I am completely open to the idea of the existence of God. In fact, I lean more in the direction of belief that disbelief. However, I have a hard time believing that there is an all-powerful being who went through the all of the trouble of creating the universe simply for the pleasure of telling humans to stop having sex, not to consume alcohol, not to eat meat on Friday, not to be gay and so on. To me, all of that sounds like the sort of shit that people would make up. Whatever version of God you choose to acknowledge, I sincerely doubt that his/her happiness hinges on you not eating pork or staying home from work on Sunday. More likely, I think, he/she/it would want to you get off your ass and live your life.
And yet, as far as I know, there are no religious laws like "Celebrate June 28th as Ultimate God Day! Honor God by grilling some brats and gettin' twisted!" Oh, no. It's all "No sex. No pork. No gambling (not even for the Indians). Don't eat this or that, especially not in Friday. Cover your face, cover your entire body in black cloth. No condoms! But if you have a baby it will be evil, so you will need to dunk it underwater--don't ask me why, but this helps. Apologize forever. Don't stop being afraid and apologizing. Oh, and don't forget to beg for forgiveness. This is key! Unless you're gay, in which case don't even bother. Don't hang out with the other religious folks, those guys think that your God is lame. Kill everyone who thinks that you or your God is lame! Your not-at-all-lame God wants you to do this-- seriously, He told me so, and I wrote it down in a book so it must be true. Don't dance! Don't drink! Clean your house. Then come to God's House. Come to God's House even though there are no snacks and no TV. Please pay to keep God's House decked out in gold. Pimp God's Ride..... etc, etc."
zebrasaur at 4:20 p.m.
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