2007-03-07

the campaign trail

I have spent the last eighteen year trying to at least appear like a normal, functional human being. The results, as you might imagine, have been mainly disastrous. Witness: Wednesday afternoon.

3:00 pm, I'm happily cocooned in bed taking my daily (yes, daily) nap.

Someone knocks on the door. Everyone should know by now that 3-4:30 is mandatory naptime in room 1052, so I'm a little pissed and am sure as hell not getting out bed to answer the door. So I instead yell "Come in!" Twice. And kind of angrily.

I regretted that about thirty seconds later, when the person who opened the door wasn't Ali or Myka or Neha, but rather some guy that I've never seen before. He is holding a clipboard. He steps into my room and the first words out his mouth are

"Hello, I'm running for city council."

I wriggle out of blanket encasement enough to sit up. Well, to sit up as much as my lofted bed will allow. Instead of offering to come back at a more opportune time, he launched right into an explanation of his campaign platform. And I, dear readrs, sat there partially clothed and (thankfully) shrouded in bedsheets, pretending to listen but secretly scanning the room for a blunt object with which to kill myself.

The crowning moment was when he insisted that I fill out an absentee application since the election falls over spring break. "It would be easiest," he said, "if you could do it right now."

Ok, fine. But due to certain wardrobe choices of mine, I couldn't get out of bed. So he had to come over to my bed and hand up all of the campaign literature and papers and a pen to me so I could fill them out there. Which I did. While he stood akwardly next to me, determinedly directing his gaze out the window.

"You, uh, have a great view." he said.
"Yeah, I know, thanks." was my witty retort.

My window looks out over a parking lot and a construction site.

He collected my application papers, thanked me and fled the room at warp speed, closing the door behind him. For a moment I didn't even know what to do -- I mean, who does this sort of thing happen to? Then I just sprayed a little Febreeze to dispel the lingering smell of awkward, and went back to sleep.

Bitch, please. It's going to take a lot more than that to make me skip my nap.

zebrasaur at 9:05 p.m.

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