2007-03-27

you disgust us

Hey, readers, it's been awhile, I know. But no time for tearful reunions just now-- we've got a government to disparage!

Last year, eight federal prosecutors were fired and now we want to know why. (By "we," of course, I mean "democrats" and by "want to know why" I mean "hope the Bush Administration fucked up even worse than usual.")

Justice Department officials would have you believe that the prosecutors were fired for poor performance. Analysts* dispute this claim on the grounds that if poor performance were sufficient grounds for dismissal in this administration, George W would have been making small talk in the Unemployment line years ago.

Reviews of prosecutors' performance records have proved to be not only controversial, but also incredibly boring. To save us all the agony of pretending to care what's in the Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse at Syracuse University, officials** suggest it would be easier to get the facts straight by issuing subpeonas and hearing some good ol' fashioned testimony.

Mr. Bush, who generally finds facts to be burdensome and avoids their use, took a moment to declare this a "witch hunt" before getting back to a busy day of illegal wire taps and monitoring citizen library records. He apologized to the press for having so little time to discuss the issue, but his hypocrisy schedule has been especially overwhelming as of late.

But while the president was listening to your phone calls from a white van parked outside of your house, Congress was authorizing subpoenas to get White House aides to testify on Capitol Hill.

The Administration issued a critical response, stating, "Today it's subpoenas, tomorrow it's hearings and testimony. From here on out it's a slippery slope toward political integrity. What's next America, outright democracy? You disgust us."

* me
** me again

zebrasaur at 8:08 a.m.

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