2007-04-07
please stay 25 feet away from me, eli
I just received a an e-mail from Eli Judge, who is concerned that I may not have mailed in my absentee ballot yet.
Astute observation, Eli. I have not, in fact, mailed in my ballot. And it wasn't an oversight on my part. It wasn't that I was too busy, or that I was too apathetic. It wasn't even that I was saving the postage money to put towards a nose job (the necessity of which was recently brought to my attention via two straight hours of E! Celebrity Plastic Surgery.)
No, Mr. Judge. My slightly imperfect nose and I made the decision not to vote in this election for the simple reason that you are creepy as hell.
It's too bad, too. I liked your platform. You blatantly pander to the 18 to 22-year-old demographic, which I appreciated immensely. You were my first-choice candidate. I would have dragged my lazy ass to the post office with only minimal complaint, except...
Except you visited my dorm room once (admirable), sent campaign volunteers to follow up (persistent), then to follow up again (annoying), then to follow up again (eliciting threats of a restraining order). You called my phone twice. You left a message on voice-mail. You e-mailed me not once, not twice, but three times.
I thought you were running for city council, not Chief Officer of the Voting Police.
Although your Creepy McCreeperson campaigning pretty much eliminated any chance I was going to vote for you, I also didn't want to support your opposition. Instead, I opted to vote for a write-in candidate, "Some Asshole." Now I don't even have to mail my ballot to be certain my candidate will win.
zebrasaur at 1:00 a.m.
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