2008-03-22
magnetic smile
I know that Zebrasaur has been a downward slide for a while now but before you fax me a detailed list of your complaints, please remind yourselves that you are not exactly living up to your contractual obligation to be "my audience." I'm down to an average of ten hits per day... what the fuck is that? Hardly a solid foundation for the launch of my cult of personality.
But maybe, after three years, it is simply time for Zebrasaur to wither on the vine?
But don't worry-- not before I fill you in SPRING BREAK 2008!!!
Well. I didn't go to Cancun and get alcohol poisoning, tattoos, and an assortment of venereal diseases like most of my peers (maybe next year?) but I did get to hang out with some people who I usually only get to hang out with on the phone and/or in my imagination, do my taxes, alleviate guilt over not having visited my grandma in six months (which is like SIX YEARS in old-people time) and--best of all-- get asked out by a library security guard!
Seriously! All I wanted was a copy of Arcadia, but he was all "What's your name?" "You have a magnetic smile!" "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Uh... no, Carl, I don't have a boyfriend but you are about forty years old and you have a snaggle tooth, so you are not exactly in prime contention. Plus, he kept telling me about how he was in the military and knows how to clean weapons? And gets to use a taser sometimes? I think he thought that it would be impressive, but come on... guns??? That only works on Republican ladies, and you don't find many of those hanging around at libraries.
Man. Too bad my "magentic smile" is only a magnet for the homeless and the middle-aged... like, millions of years of evolution and I couldn't have some magnetic feature that attracts the exceptionally attractive or the exceptionally intelligent or the exceptionally younger than 25?
zebrasaur at 10:58 p.m.
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