2008-05-26
xenophobia
Hey guys! Not sure if you heard- but I just kicked the shit out sophomore year and I'm now an upperclassman again so let the Reign of Terror begin! But FIRST, a brief respite from intellectualism back home in the Land of 10,000 lakes.
Now, it should come as a surprise to exactly no one that Eden Prairie is not exactly a bastion of ethnic diversity. This is due in large part, I think, to the fact that so many of my neighbors unfortunately appear to harbor genuine racist leanings, which I probably don't need to tell you is an inexhaustible source of irritation for a bleeding-heart liberal such as myself.
BUT the seeds of Eden Prairie-esque xenophobia may have finally taken root in me as since I have been home I have been noticing a startling and inexplicable trend: almost everywhere I go, I hear a British accent. I know where they are coming from (England) and I know why they are here (to scoff at our inferior table manners, continue to drive our currency into submission the the British pound, rub in our faces that no one but Canada came to our birthday party)
Still, I have been learning to tolerate (lie) their (constant) presence. My fear, however, is that this high limey concentration could result in a recurrence of rampant 'lingo infiltration.' I recall with horror the period between 1998 and 2002 where perfectly adequate Americans were spouting words like 'snog' and 'shag' as naturally as 'yo' and 'whatever.'(Words that America invented)
Minnesota! Let me now employ a very American phrase you are no doubt familiar with in the wake of 9/11- "NEVER AGAIN!!" If left unchecked, we could easily experience a nasty flare-up of what I like to call the Austin Powers Effect. The power to stave off such an embarrassing cross-pollination of slanguage is within your grasp and I have compiled a short list to aid you in your resistance. (Research. It's why I succeed)
The following are right out for persons on this side (west) of the Atlantic:
Bally (this is moderately acceptable for scholarly Wodehouse enthusiasts and when clearly employed in jest. Though I'm not sure what effect you would be trying to achieve with that. I'm not here to micro-manage-- but I will, for a fee. Please call for more info)
bollocks (Also: dogs bollocks. Also: Sandra Bullock)
bloody (heed this)
chuffed
naff
tosser
take the piss (fine if you are literally urinating on something)
rumpy-pumpy (I don't honestly anyone in America would ever actually say this- I include it only for character assassination)
squigglebippy
negro's toenails (Okay, I made those last ones up. Again, to impugn British character)
Well there you have it. Remember America- these are the tools, and you are the handyman. Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight!
zebrasaur at 7:52 a.m.
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